I turn 30 in 18 days. Unlike many people, I'm actually excited to be turning 30 in a lot of ways, especially because I still get mistaken for being in my mid-to-late 20s. But, then there's that realization that I'm coming into another decade, which has its depressing aspects as well.
I never thought that I'd be turning 30 and still be single. I don't know if I honestly pictured myself as married by 30, but single wasn't something that popped into my head. Part of me never thought I'd make it to 30 because that's "old". But, here it is. I'm around the corner from a new decade, I have no husband to kiss goodnight (or any prospect to speak of) and no children to live vicariously through. Part of me feels like I'm about to go downhill and become a crazy cat lady, but part of me is really glad that it's just me. And then, there's the fact that I live in Europe and get to travel around to wherever I want whenever I want to do it. I have no one to answer to, and no one to care about but myself.
I remember talking with my supervisor at my college job, who was like a second mom to me, and she would always say that her 30s were her favorite time. She didn't have the uncertainties of her 20s, and she had really started to have a good grasp on who she was as a person. Over these past 8-10 months, I've done a lot of introspection and working to understand and accept who I am, and I feel like I can finally understand what she was saying. I've drawn to light a lot of my weaknesses and shortcomings and am able to look at them honestly as obstacles, but not necessarily things that make me a horrible person. Of course, some days it's easier to do that than others, but overall I feel like I have reached a point of acceptance with myself and the way I am that I didn't have in most of my 20s.
And dating is quite a different ballgame, too. I realized the other day that I have actually passed the point of being ok with being an object of physical attention solely for physical attention, and that I have more value to add to a potential relationship than that. I never could get that concept in most of my 20s. That's not to say I'm not excited when I get attention that's aimed solely at physical features, but it's no longer what I base as much of my interest in someone off of - whether or not he finds me "hot".
The soul searching that I've done recently has opened the doors to things like yoga. I'm a giant ball of anxious energy, anyone who knows me knows that. Yoga has helped me to now only start to be able to control that, but I feel so much younger and more energized through it. I never thought that I would be one of "those yoga hippies", but I guess there's a part of being a California girl that never left me. :)
There's also the realization that there is more to life than work and work-related activities. I absolutely love being an athletic trainer, but I'm learning that there are amazing ways to enjoy life outside of that, and I can still help people, including myself, in new and different ways. I'm also realizing that it's ok to let go of what my life is "supposed" to look like and just let it happen. These aren't things that are easy, nor that will happen overnight, but I feel that coming into this new age bracket, I am more willing to accept them than 5-10 years ago.
So, as I am about to turn the corner, I am more excited than scared, but there's a little bit of a bundle of emotions surfacing. There are a lot of questions for the rest of my life that I thought I'd have answered by now, but I guess those answers will come with time. Life is meant to be fun, not taken so seriously, and that's something that I hope to implement more in my 30s than I did in my 20s.
So, dear 30, I raise a glass of Italian red wine to you and say, "Bring it on!"
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