It's not uncommon that I have people tell me how brave I am for traveling by myself. I always find that interesting to hear because I don't really consider myself to be brave but instead unwilling to let life go by without embracing it. Travel is how I do that, and without a travel partner in most instances, I refuse to let it hold me back.
I wasn't always like this. Believe it or not, I still consider myself to be shy in many ways. And I guarantee that I do not always feel brave when traveling. In fact, I generally lose weight when traveling for multiple reasons. One is that I never stop moving, and it is not uncommon for me to walk (or sometimes ride a bike) between 10-15 miles per day. Another, especially in countries where I don't know the customs and/or don't speak the language, is that I am often too intimidated to stop somewhere to eat. I generally eat relatively few full meals, opting more for small shops and street vendors in many cases. This is not done solely for convenience and cost; it is ingrained in me, and I work very hard, to not stand out in other countries. In turn, I have an internal reminder that to expose myself as a nonlocal should be done with as little frequency as possible. To reveal that I do not know the language or to make a mistake ordering unmasks me, and so it has become a fear-avoidance tactic. I often become brave primarily when my stomach starts reminding me to be so.
When I moved to Germany five years ago, I didn't realize just how afraid I was and how unprepared I felt until I got here. People told me then how brave I was for picking up and moving to another country, and again, I was just taking advantage of a blessed opportunity (and was ready to get out of the states). Bravery had nothing to do with it. If I had actually done more thinking, who knows if I would have taken the leap. When I got to Germany, however, I realized just how "brave" I had to be. All of a sudden, I was living in another country where I didn't know the language, customs, or even how to drive. There were many times where I remember crying and feeling physically ill from the amount of social anxiety I experienced while trying to adapt. But at that point, as is often the case in my travels, it was "head down, drive forward".
I think that is how we all get along in life, though. I look at the way some people live and think they are braver or stronger than I could ever be. The person growing up without a formal roof over their head or running water to drink but still managing to smile, the person who jumps out of an airplane for a living, the person who is raising a large family, the person who is chasing their dream with no guaranteed payoff, the blind woman on the metro in Rio by herself - those are all brave actions but in such different ways. Yet one is no less admirable than the other.
The more I travel, the more I am embraced with the reality that we are all the same. No matter what country I go to, I see parents love their children unconditionally, people shed tears in hurt or frustration, families embrace, people smile, couples kiss, and love shared - even by the homeless on the street. I hear swear words in multiple languages and laughter from the gut. I watch people watch me and I watch them, out of curiosity and of boredom. The majority of people are just trying to get through this thing called life in one piece, however they know how. Some are inherently bad, but that crosses cultural and continental boundaries - not a reason to stay home and hide. For the most part, people are beautiful. This understanding allows me to be less afraid to adventure.
I believe that I was genetically programmed to be the way that I am, to enjoy life from a multifaceted perspective. But I couldn't have told you that 16 years ago when I first traveled to Europe and came home saying that I would live there one day. I couldn't even have told you that five years ago when that goal was reached. But, the more that I see of the world and watch people embrace life with vigor in a rainbow of ways, all of which are beautiful, the "braver" I have to become to see more. I will probably never have a trip to a new country (or familiar one, for that matter) that I won't have to be "brave" at some point during it. But how can I grow if I don't challenge myself and face my fears? That's part of the fun of life!
With that, I leave you with the challenge to figure out what you are afraid of, put your head down, and drive forward. Maybe you'll fail at times. Maybe you'll cry (I have definitely cried). But, maybe those failures will bring about strength you don't know you have or those tears will actually turn out to be of joy. Don't just admire the people that you wish you could be like, be one.
No comments:
Post a Comment